Sunday 19 June 2011

Oh the shame...

I've bought myself this little cherry tree shop number. Originally from Next, I got it from Sue Ryder and it cost £2.95. It's nothing fancy but perfect for when we go to France.

I haven't included my face in this photo because...I. Feel. Rough. And it is all self inflicted.

I've been utterly shamed twice this weekend. First time was last night. Me and the husband went to a friend's 40th party. The invite said it was an indie disco with live band and "dress as you would back in 1991/92".

When I got clarification, we were told to wear old band t-shirts, Converse/Docs, jeans and TOTALLY DRESS DOWN.

So we did. The husband has basically never changed from when we first got together 15 years ago. He still dresses like a student. He wears Converse all the time so last night he went out looking like himself, except he wore an old Wedding Present t-shirt.

I wore his old Teenage Fanclub t-shirt. T-shirts don't suit me. I have big boobs and hips. It was a big deal. I slashed the t-shirt neck (a la Cuckoo) and it vaguely improved things but not much.

The Princess took the following pics.

I used to live in these Docs. Note my cherry tree skirt.

Do ignore the washing up in the background...

Actually I took this one, the Princess got bored. Naturally.
The babysitter arrived and off we trotted, five minutes' walk around the corner to the village hall where the party was held.

I looked quite butch. But, I told myself, EVERYONE would be wearing the same.

(You know what's coming don't you...)

We strutted in, feeling confident that we totally looked the part. Only to find we were the ONLY people who bothered to dress up in indie gear.

My friend's hubby, who was having the 40th, wore an Inspiral Carpets t-shirt but other than that, that was it.

My friend, who I refer to as Teapot Cottage Clare*, (because I have zillions of friends called Clare/Claire) had promised me it was a dress down affair. Yet she looked amazingly chic in a chiffon blouse, jeans and heels.  If she is reading this, I shall soooooo get you back my dear.

All the women were glammed up in skirts and heels, maxi dresses, tight jeans and little tops. Like they were dressed to go out on a regular night out. Gutted wasn't the word!

So I had a few wines to calm myself down. The husband loved it though, he said I was dressed like his fantasy woman....(god he's weird, but then he used to fancy Amy Winehouse).

I was also shamed a second time this afternoon at the village fete. The local children's entertainer (who is well known in the area and I have the tiniest bit of a crush on him) was performing and I chatted to him during his break.

The husband and I were telling him how hard it must be to be funny all the time (his act is top notch). I told him I only had one joke in the whole world but that it was a good one. He was dying to hear it.

"How did Bob Marley like his donuts?"

"Wi' jammin."

Geddit? Well, he wasn't amused. It was a pure tumbleweed moment.

He then told me it was so bad he would use it in his second act and see if it raised any laughs, to see whether I was right about it being a good joke. So on he went. And I got there a bit late as the Prince ran off. As I was about to sit down, he said to the audience.

"I have a joke to tell you and I want to know if you find it funny. See that woman over there, the one with the lipstick and Primark necklace? Well she told me it and it was DREADFUL. See what you think."    (and how very dare he, my necklace was from Accessorize).

Anyway he relayed the joke and you've never heard more silence in a morgue. Not one person remotely chuckled and there were about 70 people watching. So he took the mickey out of my crapness, with all eyes on me. Will NEVER use the joke again...ever. Oh my lawd it was embarrassing. Still have the hots for him though. No one knows why. Maybe it's like the husband and Amy Winehouse. You can't help who makes your heart beat.

Only had five hours sleep last night due to going out and then giving the husband a lie-in for Father's Day. Then I made him a cooked breakfast. He started taking photos of his food, obviously because I don't do a fry-up often enough, cheeky swine.

Heart attack on a plate

He obviously really appreciated it!!!

So did the Prince

And the gorgeous Princess
 The Princess had to look at nature in her back garden today and take photos. I think she did a rather good job.

Spot the buzzy bee

So after a vaguely mortifying, action-packed weekend, I am ready for the week ahead. Seeing my lovely friend Kate for a cuppa in the morning, not seen her in ages and it's always good to catch up. Then I need to get on with the freelance work.

* She is called Teapot Cottage Clare because we once went to the most amazing clothes and jewellery sale (with my mum) in a wonderful house (called Teapot Cottage). We drank Champagne, ate cupcakes, wandered around the most stunning house ever (I nearly fell in the swimming pool which had a beige cover over it and I assumed it was concrete). We keep saying we will go back again but we never find the time. Shame really as it sold AMAZINGLY lush things.


Sarah said...

Haha, you are hilarious!!

Mr Grumpy is 40 this year and a couple of friends keep saying we should have a fancy dress party, but if we got as many takers as your friends I'd be furious!!

I think your childrens entertainer was very naughty to embarass you like that, and if I were you I waste no time plotting my revenge!!

S x

BTW you didn't look butch at all, it would be impossible to with your looks!! It's crap not feeling comfortable though....

Tracy Glover said...

I have just sniggered at your joke, I am going to nick it!
I used to have cherry red docs and wore them with flowery frocks. I was a total 'indie kid.' How rubbish, I cannot believe they didn't dress the part. You looked ace anyway and very glamorous and pretty, so you win anyway.
Karma will get that kids' entertainer anyway, the cheeky sod. x

Tracy Glover said...

Oh, just wanted to say Teapot cottage sounds gorgeous and the swimming pool incident is exactly the sort of thing that would happen to me!

Unknown said...

OMG I can't believe that you were the only ones to dress up. How crap is that! Miserable devils. I think you both look cool anyway and I'm envious of your cherry red DMs even now.

I did laugh at your incident with the children's entertainer. Ha ha!! I would have been peeing myself laughing if I'd been in the crowd, bet your face was a picture. Ha! As a joke it's pretty funny, he was just being mean.

Amazing breakfast. I could eat one of those every day of the week.

Nicki xx

Grateful4Crochet said...

I liked your joke, and will also be stealing it!!!
I think the two of you look super adorable and cute together.
But yes, how much does it blow when things like that happen?
Hope you're feeling better soon :)

Gem said...

The thing is, we had an absolute blast and the party was brilliant. I just wish more people had dressed up.
One chap did actually. He is a smart banker in the city by day and turned up in an Iron Maiden t-shirt complete with tattoo sleeves.
Of course I'd stolen one of them by the end of the night. The hubby and I had a cracking time together.
We rarely go out on our own as a couple. Third time since October!
But when we do it, we remember why we fell for each other all those years ago.
We live in a fairly posh area so I reckon too many people didn't want to let themselves go at the party in terms of dress sense. Mind you, we were all larging it on the dance floor, just wish there'd been a few more dressed up!

Sarah said...

Me again!!

Thanks for your kind words over at mine honey!!

I got the flower garlands from eBay:

I'm really pleased you like them, Mr Grumpy moans his head off about them, he was at it again this afternoon!!

S x

Country Rose said...

Awwww.. no!! Sound like a nightmare! I think everyone that dresses up for a fancy-dress party has that same though before going in.. "Pleaaassee let me not be the only one dressed up!"

You and your hubby look great though, it probably just made the rest of them look a bit boring with no sense of humour!

Ashley xx

P.S - Love the joke!

Bee said...

Having a pants day today and Gem you've completely made me laugh out loud and now have a HUGE smile on my face, I can't believe no one else dressed up, I'll post a picture of Darr's 40th last year on my blog, I LOVE DRESSING UP (not the bedroom sort girlie's), boo hoo to those that didn't and well done you two for doin as asked.

As for the numpty entertainer - I love the joke and will try it out later at work (infact I've just repeated it to myself and I'm laughing again...), not nice embarrassing you like that, next time you see him, pie in his face I say!!!

Love Bee x x x

sarah said...

i agree with bee your blog always makes me laugh and cheers me up and how rude not many dressed up boring ,my profile pic is from last month a party we went to 70s style i went more everyday 70s then afro just easier (lazy last minute didnt know what to wear really) and soo happy picked up 2 yes 2 cardigans today in cherry tree shops had to let you know as you are queen of cherry tree shops x