Monday 6 August 2012

How not to toilet train...on a train

Picture it. Packed train on the way back from Brighton, school holidays, nice weather. Let's just say it was a bit busy.

The Prince (five weeks into toilet training) suddenly announced he needed a wee. Of course he did. When we tried going to the toilet five minutes prior to catching the train home, he didn't need to go. Now he was desperate it seemed and we had only just set off.

I had a pushchair overloaded with shopping bags and knew that wandering up and down the carriages to find a loo would be stressful with two kids in tow.

But what do you do when a three-year-old is desperate? Who then started pulling the desperate face which meant I had seconds to decide what to do.

I had to think fast. I casually pulled out his plastic drinking bottle and decided we only had one option. I got the Princess to help me assemble the makeshift loo in a private fashion so no one on this crammed train would see what we were doing.

The plan was that she would open the flask while I got the Prince to aim inside it, do a quick wee and job done. And we would deal with the flask when we got home. Simples.

Unfortunately things are never smooth running so why would this be any different?

The flask was still full to the brim with drinking water (I hadn't realised) so when the Princess opened it, loads poured all over my lap as the Prince weed into it at the same time. A pee monsoon cascaded over the Princess's hand and filled up in my lap like a reservoir. The Princess was repulsed but I hissed for her to keep quiet and then realised the Prince was doing a horse wee (like the one he did in the middle of Mothercare several weeks ago) which didn't seem to stop.

After he had relieved himself (half an hour later it seemed), I managed to screw the lid back on, put it back in the bottom of the pushchair and made the mental note to put it straight in the dishwasher. Whilst high fiving myself for dealing with all this so discreetly.

Until the Prince stood up on his seat and announced to the whole carriage: "I just did a MASSIVE wee in the cup everyone! Hooray!"

Gawd, I am sure I will look back on all this when they have grown up and laugh. Probably.

This week, I have discovered two lovely Ladybird books from the charity shop.

I bought this one for 50p from Scope and realised I had never seen it before. That's a first!

I have 9 of the 16 listed. Need more!!!!
The day after buying the above book, I got this little beauty in the post from one of my best friends. It is listed on the list above, how funny is that?! I felt it was good karma as I sent a Ladybird book to a blog friend this week and was thrilled to hear how delighted she was. So I was chuffed to get the below to add to my collection.

This bit is the cutest. Ah, I LOVE reading the messages people have written when they buy books.

Wonder where Good Old David is now.
(And I bet he wasn't that old, not if Auntie Jean was still buying him Ladybird books)

If only my husband was this dapper for breakfast
(I never even SEE him at this time as he works late shifts)

Other excitement is that the Princess and the Husband were lucky enough to win their bids for Olympics tickets.

They went to the tennis on Wednesday (and got in very close proximity to Federer). No photos of that moment as the Husband forgot the camera. But as he loses most things, it was probably a blessing.

This is the man who has left a suit on the train (don't ask). His mobile has been returned to him twice in recent months ( a miracle in itself) and he has lost numerous umbrellas.

I took this before they left on Wednesday morning.

The exciting bit was last night, when they were at the 100m final with the mighty Usain Bolt which was amazing for them. And he took the camera for that (and brought it home safely....result!)

I spy the flames!!!

The atmosphere was "awesome" apparently

The man himself. Fit and he knows it!
 The poor Prince was desperate to go and there were many tears when he discovered he wasn't going to the "limpics" on the train (thank god he wasn't, with his weeing in public history).

So the two of us had fun on the beach, met up with friends for picnics and then when the Princess came home, she dressed him up and they did one of their performances for me!

Off to bed soon. With my book. Nearly finished Before I Go To Sleep. Oh go and read it already. I am boycotting the Fifty Shades trilogy. Can't be doing with the hype when I've heard how badly written it is. Unless I hear from someone that it is genuinely very good, then I won't be bothering!


Jay said...

Wow how lucky to be at the Olympics for the men's 100 metres - I'm also refusing to read 50 shades I've only heard bad reports too!

. said...

Well he's in great company as didn't Gerard Deperdieu (sp?) do exactly the same thing on a plane not so long ago? Too funny!
Thank you so much for your LOVELY comment... I am really touched. Infact even though I'm not really very touchy feely if we were in the same room I'd be awkwardly patting the area between your shoulder and your elbow. jusx

thriftwood said...

So funny, I'm laughing out loud! Potty training ... Nightmare!! xx

Vintage Coconut said...

The potty training story really had me laughing! I remember my mom trying to potty train my little brother who is 4 years younger than I. I would have been around 6 or 7 at the time and it just seemed he always peed his pants at the most worst possible moments. *lol*

VintageVicki said...

Oh the joys of potty training. I think I carted a travel potty around with me for months.

Never seen either of those ladybird books before - great finds :)

Lastly, lucky people being at the 100m - blink and you missed it!

Annaboo's House said...

Oh, Missus! What a great story. One you call tell the Prince's girlfriends about with great gusto in the future.
Am possibly free on Monday next week- any good?

Musings Of A Gem said...

Hehee! I love your story's gem! Hilarious xxx

Tracy ~ If I Knew You Were Coming I'd Baked A Cake said...

I am glad you had a good read of your Dennis the Dragon book before you went to bed you must of been thrilled lol. Your stories make me laugh I was in fits of laughter as I can imagine being in your situation, not long till I start the whole potty training "god help me" I will have to put my two lady bird books up for you to see. Have a fun week Gem. x

Gem said...

Oh bless your little man, how funny, although I can see from your point of view how very not funny that situation must have been.
I bet the atmosphgere at the stadium for that race was electric. I'm heading up to Stratford tonight to pick up my tickets for the Paralympics. I was there on Sunday too wathcing some of it in the bar where James works in Westfields, there is such a great vibe up there :)
x x x x

Castles Crowns and Cottages said...

GOOD MORNING GEM! I wish I could describe to you the laugh I bellowed out as I was reading your train escapade!!!!!!!!! YOWSA, your son is a wonder, a real fun BOY!!! LOVE IT SO! Oh dear, I really got such a laugh from that that my throat is hurting now from is SO GOOD TO SEE your husband and the princess at the games! WE ARE GLUED TO THE TELLY! I am so proud of the GB teams who are showing their absolute best!

I will be off-line for a couple of days......more guests coming! LOVE! Anita

Grammy Braxton said...

Love the wee story. Just in a few years, you will be laughing as I'm sure all who have read this post have. I am still giggling because I can just picture him standing up and making his announcement.

I will have to check out Before I Go to Sleep. I read the blurb on Amazon. Sounds really, really good.


sandiart said...

I have been poorly with flu for two weeks now and not found anything to smile about, however the train incident made me laugh, sounded more like a growl but it was a laugh. What a hoot, easy for me to be jolly about it as I wasn't the one in the 'drivers seat' My boys used to say they didn't need to go, and then 5 mins later they did, so I used to make them go before we went anywhere, just in case. Not going to read the shades of grey either, can't be bothered.
xxo Sandi
Is Kmmmms ok?