Tuesday, 26 July 2011

Full moon

I saw a lady's naked bottom down by the river in Henley yesterday. Not something I was expecting to see and I am still not sure whether it was intentional or not.

I was strolling along the river with the children (they'd overdosed on ice creams, rides, bouncy castles and the park, so the riverside walk to see the pretty boats was my treat in return). There were loads of sunbathers but one caught my eye for all the wrong reasons. And I wish to dear god she hadn't...

She was in her early 30s, lying on her front, and wearing a short denim skirt with legs apart slightly. And the skirt had ridden up to reveal bottom cheeks.

And it wasn't pleasant. Pippa Middleton she was not, I can safely say.

As I walked on by, I noticed out the corner of my eye that she watched as I passed. Now I am wondering whether it was a weird cheap thrill.

Other than the bottom incident, we had such a lovely time, a train journey to get there, a picnic under a tree, running on the grass; the kids were very well behaved. But alas, I forgot my camera.

But never mind, I have cherry tree treasures to show off. Whoopee!!

I bought this checked shirt for the Princess for £1.25. It was only originally from Tu at Sainsbury's but I love the store's clothes and this is right up a Tom Boy's street!

 As you can see, she is also modelling pink Converse kindly donated by KMMMS at thingslearntthehardway. I also recently bought this book for £1 and I will not lie to you (as Uncle Bryn would say from Gavin & Stacey) but I bought the book judging it purely from its cover. I love the beach, the 1950s and beach huts. It is a love story.

I also bought this pink silk blouse from Barnado's for £3.99. It's originally from Principals. It wasn't creased when I brought it home but a certain little Prince sat on it whilst reading his "choo choo" book.

 I am really thrilled with it. It is so pretty and smooth and feminine and sparkly and...grrrrr. It needs a damn good ironing.

Talking of thrilled, I got an award this week from Ashley at Country Rose and am delighted.
So, facts about myself.

1. When I had  just started going out with the husband, his parents drove us to Whitby (Yorkshire) which was about 60 miles from their home. As young kids in love, we were very hung over from clubbing the night before and to cut a long story short, I felt violently sick and underwound the car window, pretending all was normal, wretched for England and hoped that was the end of the matter as I spewed it all out. But a gust of wind swept my bright pink sick (Watermelon Bacardi Breezer) over my hubby's dad's car AND the car behind (its windscreen wipers went manically). And sadly my father in law had to get his car resprayed as my stomach acid stripped the colour from the car. Bad times.

2. My mum, sister and I all talk in "back slang" when we don't want people to overhear us (ie in restaurants), it is a language my Nan taught us after she and her best friend Bertha picked up the lingo from a box of Cornflakes 60 years ago.  The husband can make out what we are saying and so can the Princess if we talk slowly.

3. I have a major crush on Stuart Broad, England's gorgeous golden boy in cricket.

4. I hate liver. Ever since my brother ate a piece and promptly throw up on his plate when he was about two.

5. I am a serious chocaholic. But I don't like dark chocolate. Or chocolate covered Turkish Delight. That's nearly as bad as liver...

6. I am about to train to become a breastfeeding volunteer helper and will be able to help out on the postnatal wards in the local hospital.

7. I am a freelance writer and copywriter which I somehow manage without any outside help with the children. I am not expecting a medal for this, just want to explain why I am sometimes harrassed/exhausted/ ageing.

8. I have no dishwasher. Ditto the second part of Fact 7.

9. I once got a bit too tipsy at a friend's 30th. It was fancy dress, I dressed as Siouxsie Sioux (but randomly had to wear a Cher wig as the shop ran out of Siouxsie wigs) and serenaded the room with a terrible karaoke version of Shaggy's Oh Carolina. I still cringe to this day.

10. I spotted Mr Tumble (kids' TV hero for those not in the know) in a curry house on my birthday three years ago. I grabbed him for photos with all my friends (there were a few of us who all posed for pics) and everyone else in the restaurant wondered who the hell this chubby man in an anorak was and why all these woman were going crazy for him.

I shall pass on this award tomorrow. I feel I've rambled on....anyone still there??? Zzzzzzzz.

Me and Mr Tumble. AKA Justin Fletcher, 2008

Look at the bemused bloke in the background...

Oh and me dressed as Siouxsie Sioux in a Cher wig? Of COURSE that wasn't made up...

If I could turn back time.....(I'd have got a better, more punk rock wig)

The husband was meant to be Johnny Rotten
but someone said he looked more like Ronald McDonald...


sarah said...

oh my god that is so funny the sick on the car story sat here chuckling and cringing for you , i have no idea who mr tumble is either , stuart broads dad and grandad were bought up in wrington grandad still lives there other half has just informed useless info for you ha ha and with you on turkish delight and liver yukkkkkand naked butt lady by river also yukkkkk xxsarah

Nelly said...

Ha ha this really made me laugh this morning, they are brilliant facts. Loving the photos. Point 7 - fair do's, I struggle and I'm not back at work yet. No wonder you don't have much time to read up on development blah!
Mr Tumble, brilliant!
Nelly xxx

Missy said...

Back slang! My best mate and I used to do that at school. We used to call it Uvaguv. (!?) I might ring her today and have a practise.
Very funny facts and great pictures.

April May said...

What the heck is Back Slang? I wanna learn it!!

Oh noooooooo! The sick story is a classic! love it! I've plenty stories like that myself and to think of them I sill go red. You must've wanted the ground to swallow you up in that moment, and when you were just getting to know them too! eek!!!

Love the pics of your princess - she's a beautiful tomboy!

And yay for meeting Mr Tumble! awesome!

SarahB said...

Hehehe Gem you are hilarious!!

Well done you on the breastfeeding volunteer - are you training with the NCT? I was an antenatal teacher for them for a while.

Love the fancy dress, but you're rights hubs does look more like Ronald McDonald!!

S x

Cuckoo said...

Doll, I commend you for point 6 but in light of point 7 & 8 I think you should do it next year. There said it. Offered advice you didn't ask for. But seriously, do you have the time? Really? I know you really want to do it, but maybe do it in the future rather that soon? Tell me to bugger off. I can take it!

Oh and deliberate mooning is as terrible as getting yer boobs out on the London eye.


Castles Crowns and Cottages said...

Dear dear Gem,

WHAT WAS THAT woman thinking at the park? No underwear (knickers?) and a mild spread eagle? WOOWOWWWW....I love your purchase, that pink blouse! And your adventures with the watermelon/Bacardi mix...you certainly know how to put anecdotal prose into a hilarious read, but of course, YOU ARE A WRITER and how you do it, I don't know...with children!!

So fun to follow you, Anita

Alex said...

Ahahaha, I've just chuckled from start to finish. What an opening sentence! As for the car sick story, all I can say is that you must have very forgiving inlaws!

kmmms said...

Hee hee! Love the car sick story the best! Well done on picking up another award lover!

xx home bird xx said...

Ha! You always make me laugh with your posts, and this one hasn't disappointed. You have so many cool/funny/interesting/worthy facts about yourself, I have none. Cuckoo gave me an award the other day and I'm still thinking what to right. I'm going to have to make stuff up!

So, where to start? First, I would like you to explain back slang to me so that I can teach my husband and J. I try whispering or talking like a ventriloquist but they both shout 'what?' and start looking round, it's a nightmare. Backslang would be a huge help!

Great drunk/sick story but my Mum has a better sick story than that. A few years ago she went to a family barbeque with my dad and nan. To cut a long story short, she had too much to drink and was sick on the way home. She wound the window down and vommed outside... unfortunately my nan (bossy, looks like the Queen) had her window would down too and a big pile of sick landed in her lap. Ha ha! I crack up laughing when I think about it now - nan was HORRIFIED, as you would be.

Loved the bare arse story too, but don't even want to think she may have been getting a cheap kick from it... ick! I am utterly paranoid of flashing my bum in the summer so wear enormous knickers. No shame.

Sorry for waffling... You made a few typos on my last post by the way... you said your husband was mopping your brown.... hmmm...

Ha ha!

Nicki xx

sandiart said...

Hahahahahehehehe, oh my gosh, your post is so funny and the comments also. Years ago I was in a car with 6 other people, one of the people was a little girl sitting on her mother's knee in the front, beside the window, as I am of slender build I was sitting between her and the driver. So little girl feels sick, mother opens the window and before I can say "make sure she has her head against the side of the door" too late, two of the three in the back copped a vomit bath. The looks on their faces was priceless and I still giggle over it to this day. Luckily for me I had a cold and a stuffed up nose and couldn't smell a thing.
Reading blogs has bought so many memories back.
x Sandi

Bee said...

I have just literally spat red wine at Alex opposite me while reading this (Darr's friend is over for dinner), you are just hilarious Gem, can you imagine the naughtiness we would get up too with Cuckoo and Kmmms if we had a night out!!! must organise that soon.

There is just too much to right, I love all your facts and the Mr Tumble story I've told to many.

Keep it up gorgeous, I LOVE your blog x x x