Friday, 13 July 2012

May wee, Madam

God Bless Gina Ford. I would never normally say that as not a fan of the woman, but she knows her stuff when it comes to toddler tinkles.

We are on day seven of "Operation Wee-in-the-loo-and-not-in-your-nappy-now-you-are-three-please-there's-a-poppet" (yes, the name is a little long-winded, admittedly).

We are coming out of the dark soggy tunnel, having had two major issues in the pants department, a lot of trousers in the washing machine and the Mothercare Incident.

He has been totally dry for two whole days now, telling me everytime he needs the loo. He's also ahem...."done his number two successfully into the porcelain chamberpot" and is pretty dry at night.

The Mothercare incident was on Monday. I popped in to buy 12 more pairs of pants, after realising he'd got through the last 12 pairs in a day.

While I stood wondering whether to go for Ben 10 or Thomas the Tank Engine briefs, the Prince stood in the middle of the store, legs apart, and proceeded to do a horse wee (you know the one, it goes on and on and on in a fast, gushing motion) which spurted out both trouser legs and created a pond on the floor. A Toddler Tsunami if you will. Like David Walliams as the old woman in Little Britain.

After much apologising to the staff (who seemed UNUSED to this sort of caper bizarrely), I spent five minutes on my hands and knees trying to mop it up with a poxy cloth they gave me (which merely smeared it over the floor).

Slippery When Wet indeed. But I did my best to prevent other harrassed mums from breaking their necks. And paid for the Ben 10 pants.

The husband and I then had no other option than to make the Prince do the Walk of Shame all the way back to the car.

What a pants day...

Totally unaware he has to talk past a group of tourists ahead
(who all sniggered as he walked past)
 Talking of pants, the weather has been total cack hasn't it? Still, it's been good for the garden (gah! I'm turning into a pensioner, they always say things like that).

My living room smells amazing at the moment:


Cherry tree polka dot jug and glass vase. £2.50 for the pair. Bargain!

I could sniff these all day. Oh, that I do......
The weather was alright yesterday morning so the Prince and I played at the park on the beach. It's a gorgeous wooden park which is looked after really well.

I can see the sea mum!

Oh please perk up sun, I want to go and swim!
I am feeling very puffed up in the chest department (even more so than normal) with the Princess this week.

She performed at her Leavers Concert, as starts the middle school in September. She got an extra mention at the end plus credits in the programme for re-writing the lyrics to The Black Eyed Peas' I Gotta Feeling.  The whole of the year performed it to parents and my Princess had written the whole thing herself. The husband and I were a little glassy eyed to say the least. Everyone High Fived her and patted her on the back at the end which made me relieved to know she has totally settled into school and is a popular little girl.

At the end, the rather formidable head teacher called her up in front of everyone to congratulate her and said she was another Gary Barlow in the making (which the husband found an outrage, he's not Gary's biggest fan).

I Gotta Feeling....that middle school's gonna be awesome
 She also had a mini performance herself. Excuse the poor videoing, it was just on my camera. I couldn't capture the I Gotta Feeling on video as she wasn't very close to me at that point.

 And finally, some success at the cherry tree shop. I bought this gorgeous Coast skirt for £3.99. I loves it, I do.
Look at me leg, all up for a catalogue pose!

17 comments:

Julia said...

Oh my goodness Gem, your blog should come with a warning - I nearly had an accident reading it!! You always have me in fits of laughter as your stories are so entertaining. Shame on Mothercare, I've never really liked them anyway, you needed a mop and bucket by the sound of it! Poor Prince doing the walk of shame, at least he wont remember it! Well done to your Princess, I'm sure I would be all puffed up too ;0)

fee @ chipper nelly said...

love the walk of shame (though he didn't look that bothered!) and love the fact you showed the label on that skirt (thought I was on Ebay for a mo!)

But especially loved your jaunty catalogue leg pose..brilliant.
fee x
(well done Princess. That's THE princess, not me being over familiar with you...)

Annaboo said...

Hello lovely!
Oh, the Prince!! This all brings back memories of my very own toddler-related-toilet incident in Mothercare (the shop where really, one should feel safe to have a child-based crisis)
I was in there a few years back, looking at all the toys and stuff and then smelt something REALLY bad. 'Egad!' I thought, 'Some kid's done a right awful poo.'
Well it was my kid that a done a right awful poo. The runny sort. Apparently he'd had raisins at Nursey and they hadn't agreed with him.
Luckily, we were in one of those big Mothercares with changing facilities and all that jazz, so everything was ok.
Good luck with it all. I bet he cracks it soon.
Xxx

Annaboo said...

Hello lovely!
Oh, the Prince!! This all brings back memories of my very own toddler-related-toilet incident in Mothercare (the shop where really, one should feel safe to have a child-based crisis)
I was in there a few years back, looking at all the toys and stuff and then smelt something REALLY bad. 'Egad!' I thought, 'Some kid's done a right awful poo.'
Well it was my kid that a done a right awful poo. The runny sort. Apparently he'd had raisins at Nursey and they hadn't agreed with him.
Luckily, we were in one of those big Mothercares with changing facilities and all that jazz, so everything was ok.
Good luck with it all. I bet he cracks it soon.
Xxx

Lakota [Faith Hope and Charity Shopping] said...

Hahahaha! yeah I remember those wees, although the uncontrollable 'accdidents' of number 2s were worse!
She who must not be named on Mumsnet is indeed bonkers, but some of her advice is good.
x

Peas & Carrots said...

Love the walk of shame photo. Do you carry a potty with you? since we started potty training my daughter I feel like we carry more things around with us then we did when she was a baby..... potty, wipes, spare change of clothes, pants.
After the picking the poo up incident I told you about in your last post we have finally got her pooing in her potty. Only now she tells me she is a dog and WILL wee on the floor. One step forward two steps back!!
All good fun.

VintageVicki said...

Good morning - thanks for stopping by. Just having a quick read of your blog and I know I will be stopping by loads :)

Love the toilet training story and that photo of the Prince in pants reminds me of some I have of Little Son at the same age - tshirt, pants and wellies!!

Good luck x

Castles Crowns and Cottages said...

GEM, I just love ya. Is that appropriate to say to let's face it, a complete stranger? But your stories, your wit, I enjoy sitting here in my little writing cubby, LISTENING to your darling daughter, LAUGHING at your wonderful humor as to how you deal with MOTHERHOOD and seeing the little prince walk the walk....teehee......

You look fabulous. Your flowers are happy and in spite of your bad weather, you make the day shine, I KNOW YOU DO.

BIG HUGS from across the pond, Anita

Jay said...

So funny in Mothercare, You should have apologised for the damp patch while walking out of the store - I can't believe they expected you to mop it up yourself!
Lovely skirt; and great pose!!

Cuckoo said...

Oooooh I fancy ya all over again in that bottom pic. xxxx

Missy said...

See, last week I told myself it wasn't right to mercilessly take the mick out of one so small and to enjoy laughing at him and his antics so much, and then you go and post the best picture I've ever seen on a blog so far. I could frame the picture of The Prince and your old man walking up the street together. It's excellent. I'm thinking about writing a book about him if you don't first. (The boy, not the husband.)
I have to say that your determination to get him dry is very admirable. With my youngest one, (who is now 15 and dry) I didn't bother, which sounds awfully neglectful, but I had such a bad time with the older one, weeing and pooing all over the shop that I came over all weak and feeble and left her to it. When she was 2 and a half she started playgroup still in nappies and on the first day I picked her up and she'd asked the lady if she could take her to the toilet, they took her nappy off and from then she sort of trained herself while I sat on the sofa and played Spiro on the Playstation. That kid never wet the bed once or had an accident anywhere, I think she was just ready for it. Now she's smothered in fake tan and spent her pocket money on having her nails done yesterday. Sad innit?
Your Princess is a little marvel, how she's settled into her new school and writing songs and being so gorgeous as well. You have to cherish those moments, they go so fast.
I agree with you about the weather, (don't we all) it's sunny here today so the old man has run to Tesco to get BBQ stuff just in case it's our only chance this year. I've never seen so many people walking round, looking at the sky, shaking their heads and saying 'July...'
Have a jolly (dry in every way) weekend, mrs!
xxxxxx

Missy said...

Saw this,

http://www.dibor.co.uk/Product.asp?ProductId=R705

and thought of you!
x

Gem said...

You have done it once again, seriously Gem you should consider writing a book, it would be amazing.

The poor little prince bless him, but honestly how funny. I'm surprised Mothercare aren't more used to it, being a toddlers shop and all that, oh well, these things happen. It happened in front of me in the queue not that long ago as it goes and that was in Mothercare, they didn't seem to prepared for it in that shop either, more fool them if you ask me.
I loved the Princess' performance, a little actress come song writer in the making :)
x x x x

A tale from toadstool house said...

Oh Prince what a cutie and still keeping you on your toes,He's going to love reading all of these posts when he's older,such a great record :) Wish I could have blogged when my two were small...
LOVE the Coast skirt,it looks so great on you,lots of lovexxxx

sandiart said...

Haha, what amazing kidlets you have, they are so funny/talented. My eldest and youngest were trained by two, middle by (ahem) three and a half!! Thought he would be going to Kinder (Nursery I am thinking) in nappies. Happy days :)
Love the skirt and the models pose.
xx Sandi

Country Rose said...

Hahaha... I did have a good old laugh at the horse wee incident! Sorry Prince... :P I'm just panicking about how the heck I'm going to manage potty training with Rose. Quite a few of my friends are really pro early potty training and I've been told many a times that it's possible for me to potty train Rose before the baby comes. I just wouldn't know where to start though! :S
You must be so so proud of your little (actually quite big!) girl, she looks like a very confident little lady. Plus she's a stunner!
Gorgeous Coast skirt.. look how tiny you look in that photo! You'll have to meet with me soon, I tend to make everyone look reallly slim these days! haha

Ashley xxx

Missy said...

Blog award for you over at mine, lady!
If you don't fancy it don't worry but it's there if you do.
xx