I haven't included my face in this photo because...I. Feel. Rough. And it is all self inflicted.
I've been utterly shamed twice this weekend. First time was last night. Me and the husband went to a friend's 40th party. The invite said it was an indie disco with live band and "dress as you would back in 1991/92".
When I got clarification, we were told to wear old band t-shirts, Converse/Docs, jeans and TOTALLY DRESS DOWN.
So we did. The husband has basically never changed from when we first got together 15 years ago. He still dresses like a student. He wears Converse all the time so last night he went out looking like himself, except he wore an old Wedding Present t-shirt.
I wore his old Teenage Fanclub t-shirt. T-shirts don't suit me. I have big boobs and hips. It was a big deal. I slashed the t-shirt neck (a la Cuckoo) and it vaguely improved things but not much.
The Princess took the following pics.
|I used to live in these Docs. Note my cherry tree skirt.|
|Do ignore the washing up in the background...|
|Actually I took this one, the Princess got bored. Naturally.|
I looked quite butch. But, I told myself, EVERYONE would be wearing the same.
(You know what's coming don't you...)
We strutted in, feeling confident that we totally looked the part. Only to find we were the ONLY people who bothered to dress up in indie gear.
My friend's hubby, who was having the 40th, wore an Inspiral Carpets t-shirt but other than that, that was it.
My friend, who I refer to as Teapot Cottage Clare*, (because I have zillions of friends called Clare/Claire) had promised me it was a dress down affair. Yet she looked amazingly chic in a chiffon blouse, jeans and heels. If she is reading this, I shall soooooo get you back my dear.
All the women were glammed up in skirts and heels, maxi dresses, tight jeans and little tops. Like they were dressed to go out on a regular night out. Gutted wasn't the word!
So I had a few wines to calm myself down. The husband loved it though, he said I was dressed like his fantasy woman....(god he's weird, but then he used to fancy Amy Winehouse).
I was also shamed a second time this afternoon at the village fete. The local children's entertainer (who is well known in the area and I have the tiniest bit of a crush on him) was performing and I chatted to him during his break.
The husband and I were telling him how hard it must be to be funny all the time (his act is top notch). I told him I only had one joke in the whole world but that it was a good one. He was dying to hear it.
"How did Bob Marley like his donuts?"
Geddit? Well, he wasn't amused. It was a pure tumbleweed moment.
He then told me it was so bad he would use it in his second act and see if it raised any laughs, to see whether I was right about it being a good joke. So on he went. And I got there a bit late as the Prince ran off. As I was about to sit down, he said to the audience.
"I have a joke to tell you and I want to know if you find it funny. See that woman over there, the one with the lipstick and Primark necklace? Well she told me it and it was DREADFUL. See what you think." (and how very dare he, my necklace was from Accessorize).
Anyway he relayed the joke and you've never heard more silence in a morgue. Not one person remotely chuckled and there were about 70 people watching. So he took the mickey out of my crapness, with all eyes on me. Will NEVER use the joke again...ever. Oh my lawd it was embarrassing. Still have the hots for him though. No one knows why. Maybe it's like the husband and Amy Winehouse. You can't help who makes your heart beat.
Only had five hours sleep last night due to going out and then giving the husband a lie-in for Father's Day. Then I made him a cooked breakfast. He started taking photos of his food, obviously because I don't do a fry-up often enough, cheeky swine.
|Heart attack on a plate|
|He obviously really appreciated it!!!|
|So did the Prince|
|And the gorgeous Princess|
|Spot the buzzy bee|
So after a vaguely mortifying, action-packed weekend, I am ready for the week ahead. Seeing my lovely friend Kate for a cuppa in the morning, not seen her in ages and it's always good to catch up. Then I need to get on with the freelance work.
* She is called Teapot Cottage Clare because we once went to the most amazing clothes and jewellery sale (with my mum) in a wonderful house (called Teapot Cottage). We drank Champagne, ate cupcakes, wandered around the most stunning house ever (I nearly fell in the swimming pool which had a beige cover over it and I assumed it was concrete). We keep saying we will go back again but we never find the time. Shame really as it sold AMAZINGLY lush things.