If we took a holiday...

Half term and I haven't half been driven round the bleedin' bend.

Everyone else seems to have jetted off and are sunning themselves in far flung distant lands. If you're stuck at home with three children at half term (with no husband or car because the pair have eloped to London....to work admittedly but that's beside the point) then it's not a good time to be hitting the Facebook button.

Because everyone on Facebook (and Instagram for that matter) is having a maaaaaaarvellous time abroad, slurping cocktails in the blistering heat and reading a gazillion books because their children are in kids club. They're napping (the adults not the kids) because the peace and quiet makes them awfully tired and page turning the latest suspense novel is very hard work don't you know.

There's no holiday for us at all this year. There wasn't last year either. And it's making me grumpy. Meh. Now don't get me wrong, we live in a seaside town so when the weather is top notch, it's almost exactly like being on holiday. But it's been a funny old week weather wise, a bit grim and cold today and I haven't seen the sea. I need a daily dose of vitamin sea to stop me getting so crabby, pardon the pun.

The highlights of this week according to Facebook, involves my friends enjoying indulgent weekends in London and fine dining in Paris, staying in a villa on a Greek island with the sea literally lapping at your toes as you wake up and dining on fried fish which was caught about five minutes before. Being gently roused from slumbers in Italy to be offered fresh coffee, hitting the golden beaches in America and having surfing lessons and strolling round markets in Morocco before returning to the all-inclusive buffet (drinks are free too, just like George Michael and his 80s tresses promised). Oh bless those well-rested, de-stressed friends of mine. They better not moan about being tired or harassed by their children when they next see me.

Now I'm not being bitter or anything (ahem...) but here are the highlights of MY half term week:

1. My husband managed to leave me the car one day (this is rare, therefore I was rejoicing) so the kids and I enjoyed a full 50 minutes on our local beach before the mother of all thunderstorms charged in and wrecked havoc. If it hadn't taken me a full 4 hours to peel the kids away from the X Box, get them slathered in sun cream, pack the picnic (including at least one item everyone will eat), locate the bodyboards, dust off the wetsuits and find a place to park, we'd have had more sun time, but alas, we were sodden and cold and the picnic was damp. And then the youngest cut her chin on the rocks when she slipped on seaweed. Blood and sand is never a great combo, believe me.
This photo was taken yesterday, waiting for another storm to roll in.

2. I cleaned out the rabbit hutch.You know, for the rabbit the teenager has definitely lost interest in (and I quote...) "He is the rabbit of my dreams. Mum I'll do anything if you buy him for me. I'll feed him every day, groom him, love him and clean out his hutch twice a day if I need to."  Let's all be grateful that I love that bunny so much, he's become my fourth child. He's also the only one not to answer me back, which is nice.

3. I took the kids to the dentist. I know! Who needs island hopping when you can watch the dentist scrape tartar from the back of a child's tooth. And spend what seems like forever helping them to choose the sticker afterwards for being so brave. SOMEBODY couldn't decide between Frozen or Cinderella. There was a hell of a lot of deliberating. (The sticker fell off five minutes after applying, as standard).

4. I washed a kingsize duvet at the laundrette. I've never done this before. I felt very thick. I couldn't understand the instructions for operating the machine. It took three children to sort it out for me. Dot Cotton I ain't.

5. I watched Thelma and Louise with my eldest. This was after a day of fighting and bickering so I decided to pour a glass of wine and watch Brad Pitt when he was a young cowboy and y'know, just reminisce. My daughter loved the film, and wanted to discuss the ending in great depth. NO spoilers as there must be somebody out there who hasn't watched this film? I, for example haven't watched Top Gun (or Gremlins or Back to the Future). People often wonder where I was in the 80s. Then I heard the eldest daughter tell my husband what we'd watched. It went something like this: "Oh yeah Dad, Mum and I watched a cool programme last night about Thelma and What's Her Name." And then strolled off to claim the X Box for herself. My husband looked clueless. Teens eh?

6. I took the three kids into town. I spent most of the time looking for toilets for at least one of them each time. Then the youngest hid in H&M in among the clothes rails and sent my heart rate racing.

7. I've only been to charity shops to merely drop stuff off. No chance of mooching for very long as the younger two want every cuddly toy they see. There's also the danger they will see what I've been clearing from the house so I've had to be very cloak and dagger in Scope.

8. I've hung out and brought the same washing in three times in one day, thanks to our crazy weather. I've also had too much sun and then felt freezing cold all in the same day.

9. I've broken a new purse while hanging out at the beach arcade and having to constantly rummage for more coppers for the 2p slot machine,

10. I have lost pounds in money because entertaining three kids in rubbish weather is very costly, but elsewhere I've gained pounds. And not the monetary kind either.

I'm done in. I'm not rested, or de-stressed, but I haven't done a single school run and for me, that is a holiday in itself. I hate the school run. HATE IT. The mornings have been leisurely, but then no one is going to be when they should be,

And in the week before half term, I bought this dress from a charity shop for a fiver! Brand new and usually retailing at £40. It is so ruffly and fabulous!

I also bought this little wooden sailing boat, which is very cute and priced at just 50p.

New dress, new boat? Actually, that sounds like I'm totally living the high life, baby! I'm just too tired to actually try the dress on. I need to sleep all next week to recover from half term. However, it's just dawned on me that my youngest is also off  next week too as they have two weeks' holiday for half term...