Monday, 15 April 2013

This blog post is utter pants

So there I was this morning. In my pilates class. Enjoying an hour of peaceful serenity. When I came face to face with a skimpy thong, underneath the see-through leggings of woman in front of me.

The woman who was 70-years-old, if she was a day...

You see, I go to an OAP pilates class. It's the only one I can make in the day. I am the youngest. And the least supple, ironically. But it would now seem, not only am I the youngest (by at least 30 years) and the least supple, but I am also the proud wearer of the most unsexy pants known to humanity compared to the old dears.

While the woman in front of me was bending and stretching, her miniscule VPL began to trouble me. It was putting me off my chill time. She had one of those old lady hair styles, you know, like a brassy, blondey grey colour which she'd obviously put rollers in over night. Other than her kecks, she was like your gran, bless her.

I didn't want to think about pensioner pants. They had a saucy lacy look (I KNOW!!! I shouldn't have looked further but I was in shock). It's made me rethink about wearing my apple catchers. Perhaps women are changing and the older ones are having all the fun now. The older we get, the foxier we feel? The younger we are, the more we crochet and drink tea? Who knows. But all I know is that for the whole hour, all I was thinking about was the granny g-string and it wasn't ideal.

On my way to pilates, my fave charity shop was shut, oddly. There was a sign saying it would open at 1pm. I looked through the door and scanned the shelves and rails. I could see something poking out in the distance which looked like pretty fabric and I knew it needed further investigation.

So at 1pm the Prince and I legged it in, on our way to the library, and there in all its glory was what I'd glimpsed:

For just £3. I couldn't believe it! I was thrilled. I find Cath Kidston gorgeous but overpriced, so I felt pretty pleased with my find.

Today has been a gorgeous day. I took the kids to the beach after school.

A little caffeine hit
 Yesterday was lovely too. We stumbled across a gorgeous country pub so had a Sunday lunch in the beer garden.  It involved many calories.

I look tired here. End of the hols!

Last blow out before being good
 (ah! that's why I don't wear a thong... it would get lost)
I also drove the kids to stay with "Cuckoo" (as she is known in Blogland and Instagram) this week. We had fun, although there was drama en route when the Prince got a virus and a high temp, so I took him to an out of hours doc.

After 6.5 hours, we arrived at Cuckoo's.  We missed lunch but had a great cream tea shortly after we arrived.

L-R Bee, "Cuckoo", Kerry and moi.

We had fun although it all went way too fast.

The next day I stopped in Bath to meet my mum and sister, before heading home.
Royal Crescent (5 mins from where I used to live!)

The Princess lived in the garden flat on that high pavement behind her
(white front door) when she was born. Happy memories.
 Now I have to keep this short and sweet. I am too busy wondering who else may wear Victoria's Secret style pants once they draw their pension.

(goes off to throw out her grey saggy drawers)...


Castles Crowns and Cottages said...

Gem, YOU are poetry.

From thongs to unmentionables, to your openess about that fudgie cake getting lost (teeeheeee), your writing works for me. OMG you make me laugh with the unexpected joys of SHEER POETRY, WOMAN! You take a very uncomfortable moment and make it a joy (well for us it would be joy, we are at a distance!). You are a writer, I am learning. Oh dear, I am learning what I am NOT; I am reading a fabulous book for a poetry class I will be taking in June: The Poet's Companion. Well, I have a lot of exploring to do in my writing but as I see different styles, I know one thing: I have to find my own. Thank you for this tour of your world, no matter where you are, what you find, you always make it EXTRAORDINARY!

So good to see you post! LOVE TO YOU ALL! Anita

FourHappyBunnies said...

I absolutely love you blog and this post made me laugh out loud! Thank you for cheering me up on a rather dull evening x

thriftwood said...

Yeuk thongs! Can't bear to think of the discomfort.

What a fab find, never found anything Cath in a cherry tree ... a couple of Boden dresses have been my best finds, clothes-wise!

Enjoy your week

Love Claire xxx

Shingle Cottage said...

Apple catchers lol!
Gem you are so funny! i love reading your blog posts and what a great score with the Cath bag too xxx
Ps pub lunch dessert looks so yummy x

Vintage Coconut said...

I keep 50/50 of each type of unmentionables. *lol*
I just wear whatever I am in the mood for.

I bet the thong woman had a hot date after class! *HAHA*
Lovin your bag.

Shingle Cottage said...

I left this comment on my blog but then thought you might not see it so i copied it for here :) xxx

Afternoon lovely!
How weird because you don't show up in mine and i followed you? I just come hunt you out ;)
I might clear varnish so they don't mark,If i waxed i would sand after but varnish i would sand first then seal,I want to do circle stripes around them in different colours too i think or i might have to get some more.
Antoinette is a dusky plaster coloured pink it is beautiful and a more grown up pink,in fact scroll up it is on my cupboard doors....I wanted candy pink so mixed in the empire red to pep it up a lot.
Paint your kitchen Gem loads of bloggers have and they always look better!
Just clip off the top of your old flowers on your hydrangea,they flower on last years wood so if you hack them back you get no flowers for a year,Yes just sprinkle the tea leaves around the shrub and water in,they like lots of water too so don't let it dry out in Summer....They flower Early Summer right through to October.
Have fun with whatever you get up to xxxx

Jay said...

You do make me laugh! At what age do we need to switch to appropriate pensioner pants I wonder?! Just remember at the next class keep your eyes on the floor!

forgetmenots blue said...

Sounds like those pensioners are a lot more glamorous than me!
Very jealous of you charity shop find I dream of finding a Cath Kidston bag at a reasonable price :)

sandiart said...

My thong days are long gone and heading to OAP too quickly for my liking....perhaps I am doing the reverse.....thongs when young.....crochet and tea whilst aging. Glad you got to spend some time with your buddies, you can always count on the kids to do something to hold you up....mine used to fill their nappies as I was about to head out the door (when they were babies I might add, they are toilet trained now haha) or throw up, or wipe some grotty hands on me so would have to change.....
xox Sandi

Castles Crowns and Cottages said...

Beautiful Gem..... see your comments, BOTH OF THEM, makes my heart melt. First of all, Blogger is misbehaving, for I too have been missing blog posts because the feeder is not showing up new posts from people! But I so appreciate you leaving two separate comments on both posts.

This past week has been horrible; I lived in Boston, Massachusetts and Ruben and I frequented the Boston Marathon EVERY YEAR with pride and excitement. Those very streets were our haunts as we always felt safe, like kids running up and down those streets to explore and go out to eat. Then this....and as a TEACHER, I work with young children. It is nothing like being a mum, but all the same, you fall in love with the little people, and to think of an innocent, MANY INNOCENTS that suffered? I just wanted to make a tribute to ONGOING LIFE that no thief or madman can take away.

Give your sweet Prince and Princess the squeeze of their lives for me; they live in an unsettling world, but I know they also live in a LOVING HOME, filled with laughter, silliness, books, happy parents, and hope.

Big hugs dear sister out over the pond, Anita

Marina said...

Hi Gem, LOVED this post as usual! I've been so busy lately that i've neglected my blog a little, but have found the time this eve to catch up with a few of my favourite blogs - as always yours never fails to make me smile - or rather laugh out loud and get weird looks from the husband! I am extremely jealous of the CK bag - WOW that's a great find!! slim pickings lately in the charity shops around here, though I did manage to find a few Ladybird books in the Samaritans sale for just 10p each - and yes i thought how you would also have pounced upon them had you seen them too :) - Marina xx

Anna said...

What you don't understand, because you don't think it will ever happen to you, is that it's only the outsides of us that change and age - inside, we're the girls who marched for CND, wore the shortest mini-skirts, drank beer in jazz clubs, made love on foreign sea-shores, had babies and agile young bodies... Why the hell should we consider what patronising nearly-middle-agers should think of our knickers? Wait until you're facing 'nearly seventy' and see if you're facing it so bravely...

Gem said...

Dear Anna,
Sadly I can't reply to you as you seem to have no contact details. I apologise to you as I am now aware I have offended you. I completely appreciate all of your valid points. Good on you, and I do not mean that to sound patronising at all, for bothering to write to me with your view. It was meant to be a lighthearted piece about how I wear granny pants and crochet and she was the opposite.
I can guarantee that because I don't have an agile body, I won't be facing it bravely when I am nearly 70. I don't face it bravely now!!
Again, sorry for rattling your cage and thank for your comment. And I completely agree about age only changing the outside.......sorry if it sounded disrespectful...

Anna said...

Thank you for this generous reply; consider my cage unrattled... Ageism seems to be the last tolerated 'ism' and yes, it really does offend me, and many more of my generation, when we're picked out to be derided. If we don't protest when we feel offended, then people think it's acceptable and it escalates - think of the things that were once routinely said about Jews, or blacks... I'd like to think that when your set of friends reaches old age, you will be respected for your contribution to society and that your achievements
will be valued...

Gem said...

Totally and completely agree with you. My grandparents both died in the same year recently and I loved them so much and spent most of my time with them when I could. so your comments and feedback have made me reel a little. I would hate to sound disrespectful, forgive me and do come back sometime to visit my blog, I shall be more careful.....
Have a good weekend,
Gem x

Anna said...

Your grandparents would be proud of your grace and good manners... I shall continue to read your lovely blog to keep in touch with what the under-70's are doing!!

humphreycumfycushion said...

Finding the gem of a Cath Kidston bag, complete with birdies, would make up for any feeling of inadequacies in the undies department though big undies are back in don't you know??? it said so on This Morning

jus said...

Ooooh, I love a thong although if you get dressed in the dark and put it on back to front it can be a very uncomfortable bus ride and incredibly awkward wiggly limp to the nearest ladies loo. AND have you tried to take off boots, socks, tight and winter tweed shorts swap your pants around and get redressed in a very confined space, no... just me?

Now that's Pants!!